


Can't Possibly Think of Leaving

by AmateurScribes



Series: Whumptober 2019 [7]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dark, Emotional Manipulation, Gen, Isolation, Manipulation, Prompt Fic, Psychological Trauma, Trauma, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Whumptober 2019, guilt tripping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-27 08:42:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20945510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmateurScribes/pseuds/AmateurScribes
Summary: Now that they've finally settled down after everything since their cut-short retirement, Simmons can finally take a moment to observe Grif.And he doesn't quite like what he sees. Well, most of him doesn't.





	Can't Possibly Think of Leaving

**Author's Note:**

> Don't really like how this one came out, probably because I'm really tired. I think I'm going to dabble with some other types of AU's for some prompts, because I feel really bad for getting bored of some of the prompts, and tired of writing within the show's seasons. I don't think anyone will mind _too_ much, right?
> 
> For the duration of this event, all mistakes are my own.

Simmons has noticed that Grif reactions differently to... things now.

He doesn't know how to describe it- doesn't even know where to begin really!

Grif's more easily agitated for one.

And it's subtle things that set him off, but even then it's random depending on the day.

One day Grif's storming away stewing in anger at the even mention of going to the beach, but then a week later he's all fine and dandy about going. Certain words or phrases or jokes can make him curse out the other person, but then he'll act like it wasn't really a big deal not too long after.

It was confusing, to say the least.

Grif's also gets much more nervous when not surrounded by them. 

Where before it'd be like pulling teeth to get him to participate or help out with something, now he'd always be the first volunteer- literally jumping out of his seat to do whatever task it was. And then said task would end up with  _ all _ of them going anyway. In the past, this would have been the perfect time for Grif to get  _ out _ of work, the job hardly ever needed all of them to accomplish it.

But now he'd offer his help first as if he'd prefer to do that than stay in the apartment just relaxing.

It was just so  _ un-Grif _ like.

And the third, and probably most baffling change about Grif was that he was... clingier. To Simmons only.

He'd always reach out and put his hand on Simmons' shoulder or arm, or he'd reach for his hand and hold onto that before letting go, only to return to it a moment's later. Grif would always walk close by Simmons, would hardly be seen without him.

If Simmons went somewhere, so did Grif. It Simmons was tired and done for the night, so was Grif. It was like he was taking the jokes that Tucker had made in the past about them being inseparable to heart.

Simmons really didn't want to think it, but it was kind of making him uncomfortable. Only a little bit. 

At first, he loved it, after all, he had missed the other Red dearly-  _ anyone _ could see that. And he had been so ecstatic when they were reunited, and when they had that moment to clear things up- and Simmons had verbal confirmation that Grif didn't hate  _ him _ specifically, the other's just seemed to not matter as much- and when Grif had known exactly what to ask to figure out who was who when Simmons was facing off Gene.

And with all the time travel, and being stuck in a paradox, it had hit Simmons that he hadn't actually spent all that much time with the man after their reunion. After that revelation had struck him, he went out of his way to hang out with the orange soldier.

So, yeah, it was nice in the beginning, but it was getting to be a bit much.

And Simmons just couldn't figure out  _ what _ had caused this change. Part of him wanted to find out, but that part was silenced by a much more... concerning part of him.

There was this small- very small, but slowly growing the more Grif kept this up- part of Simmons that  _ liked _ these changes in Grif. Where the more rational part of his brain was unnerved by the behavior, this part of him was fascinated by the change. Wanted to see how much worse it would get without intervention.

Wanted to see just what he could  _ do _ with it.

And Simmons is disgusted by those thoughts- it's just wrong of him to think that way! There was  _ clearly _ something  _ wrong _ with Grif, and he shouldn't just let him go without help just because- because-

Because he liked all the extra attention, underneath all of the comfortableness. Liked the idea of someone completely devoted to  _ him, _ someone who bent over backward to please  _ him _ instead of what he used to do in the past to his superiors.

And that it's  _ Grif _ who's exhibiting this behavior...

It'd be so easy... so  _ simple _ to just... let it happen. 

Encourage it to grow. 

Push him in only one direction- push him further towards Simmons.

That's the part of Simmons that's small and growing every day, the more that Grif follows after him when he leaves a room. 

He likes and loves and  _ adores _ the attention on him. And that part of him loves even  _ further _ that it's only  _ Simmons _ who gets it.

And he's ashamed- the more rational part of his brain- because that small, that tiny part of Simmons grew just enough that it's all that he can think about now.

They've maybe been on Chorus for about two months where everything tips over the edge of the pot and he just can't help himself. He'd been saying comments here and there, but the perfect opportunity practically fell into his lap, and he just couldn't stop himself-

The two of them are sharing a room, as it's always been when he can't help but ask, "What's been with you lately?"

Someone with a less adept eye would have missed the way that Grif had stiffened.

"I don't know what you mean," he answers nonchalantly, but Simmons can see the way that he's tensing up.

"Don't make me spell it out for you," he scowled, watching the way that Grif flinched at the hardened tone. "You've been acting weird ever since we got back from the paradox."

"Have I? Haven't noticed," Grif sinks deeper into his pillow, pulling his bedsheets tighter against his body. "You know- I'm pretty tired, I think I'm gonna head in earlier than-"

"Did it have to do something with your quitting?" Simmons interrupts him, watching carefully the response that he gets.

Immediately Grif jumps up, looking wildly at him, asking, "No! What? What makes you think that?"

Seems he hit it right on target. But what could have possibly happened on the moon? Grif was all by himself-

And like that it all clicked inside of his head.

And here he was thinking that something more  _ complicated _ had happened to Grif when it turns out the answer was so, so very simple.

What else could be expected from the signs exhibited by Grif- agitation, nervousness about being alone, and being clingy?

Isolation can be one hell of a wound to the psyche.

This must have been the very moment that the rational part of Simmons’ brain went quite and took a step back. It must have been because the words that he spoke-

"It's obvious," he rolled his eyes. "What? Do you think that we'd just abandon you because you did the  _ same _ to us?"

Now Grif looked really anxious, pupils going down to pinpricks as his hands fisted his sheets, "No- are you trying to say that you're going to leave me?  _ Again?" _

"Now you're putting words in my mouth," he's curious by the response. "I never said that."

"I can hear between the words, you want to leave me again," Grif's hands went up to fist his long hair. "That's- I'm not an idiot! That's what you're implying, that you're just going to leave me all alone again. Why would you do that to me?"

"Maybe because you're not that good of a friend? Have you ever considered that? You didn't even properly apologize, and now you're just acting as if everything's ok?" he's lying, he knows that Grif had apologized, but with the way that Grif was getting worked up, he really doubted that the other man remembered that at all.

When he had apologized in the jail block, it almost felt like he had rehearsed it, and Simmons wonders if he  _ did. _ Wonders who he practiced it too, or if he just kept himself company, not even attempting to pretend like he had company.

He wonders a lot of things.

"Is that all it takes? Just being a better friend?!" Grif asks frantically. "I can do that, that's easy! I've already turned over a new leaf- I told you all this- I can be a better friend, I just need a chance to do that, you can't just leave me again,  _ please _ I don't think I can handle being alone all over again.  _ Please." _

Looking at him, cold ice filling his eyes, he states, "Prove it."

"I will- I swear I will," Grif pleads. "I-"

"Good," Simmons doesn't let him ramble any further. "You better not be lying to me, that'd be a shitty thing for a friend to do."

"I swear I'm not lying," the other said earnestly. "I  _ swear." _

"Goodnight, Grif," he dismissed his words, that evil and disgusting part of his brain satisfied for the moment.

He's too busy thinking- fantasizing as that part of him would prefer- all of the ways that Grif would try to prove his dedication to him, that he misses Grif's own bidding of a goodnight.

Grif was a mess. And so  _ easy. _

It's a comfort, for him at least, to know that he isn't the only one fucked up in this relationship. And that marginally, he's  _ far _ more stable than Grif. 

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, I went the direction I did because otherwise, the prompt was boring in my opinion. I feel like I've written so much how his isolation on Iris affected Grif from his point of view, so I figured maybe I could dabble with a darker universe from Simmons' perspective.
> 
> If you want to stop by and chat you can find me at either of my Tumblr's: @agent-murica (main) and @amateurscribes (writing).


End file.
